I swore I wouldn’t become her. I promised myself, my bridesmaids, my friends and family. I swore I would not be Bridezilla.
That was then.
Now, I completely embrace her. Because if one more person tries to tell me who to invite, how to arrange something (“because that’s how it’s done”), asks a question about music, flowers, hotel, etc- I’m going to fucking kill them.
It’s not even my wedding anymore. Oh, I’m planning it, sure. I’m busting ass to make the phone calls and pushing for SOMEONE to agree on a place for the rehearsal dinner, the cake, the final invitations, the thank you notes, the registry…oh yea, I’m on all that like white on wedding rice.
But I’m getting emails from family members TELLING ME who to send invitations to. Excuse me- isn’t this MY wedding? I’m getting wishy washy talk about where we might best have the rehearsal dinner. Excuse me- we need to make a decision already. I’m getting no call backs from the event manager for the reception site, nor any progress on the cake. Excuse me, but we’re one month out, as of today.
At the same time, we’ve got one whole month. That should be enough time, right? There’s no need to flip out yet. Except for the fact, which I’ve already mentioned, that this barely feels like my wedding anymore. Our wedding. We’re looking at having a solid 70+ people that I might not recognize in a grocery store and who don’t particularly care about me but who know my parents. I don’t care about social courtesies- I don’t know these people, nor do I care to have them watch something as intimate (supposedly) as my wedding vows. Then there’s the family I’m inviting because I feel like I have to. I see them at Christmas each year, can’t remember their kids names, but will be feeding them for a cost of about $53 per head..including every single one of their children.
Because I forgot to include in my invitation the stipulation that no one under a certain age should attend the ceremony. My feelings on loud children at community events is well documented- especially in this blog. I won’t go into it. Sufficed to say that I WILL- dress and all- charge down the asile in the middle of the ceremony and kill anyone who does not remove a fretting child from within earshot of the ceremony. I. Will. Do. It.
I could go on, but I’ve got wonderful bridesmaids to go vent to. If you didn’t get an invitation to my wedding, please don’t feel slighted. I don’t have enough room for all my friends to come. And if I kill someone on my wedding day, please send any remaining gifts to the State Prison for Insane Bridezillas.