So I’m now one week and a day away from my 30th birthday. In the past, I’ve never ascribed to the notion that birthdays have a physical effect (beyond the obvious, that is) on a person. 25 didn’t ‘feel’ different. 28 didn’t ‘feel’ different. 29…I imagined it felt different, but it ended up not.
But this one feels different.
I’ve felt like this one has been like a major league pitcher, winding up to throw one at me. It been going on for weeks now. I ‘feel’ different. I feel…ready.
30 seems like the perfect time to try a few things I’ve been wanting to try. I’ll use the birthday as an excuse, but these changes are not related to the birthday at all. I’ve been wanting to do these things for a while. Hair color change, a few new piercings, saying some things I need to say that are caught in my chest like a tumor (some things decades in the making), joining a new volunteer effort, painting more, playing guitar more, going out dancing more…. yeah, this has been a while in building.
I have saved money carefully and been responsible for So. Damn. Long. Every year that I taught school, I saved 40-50% of each paycheck, since my teaching job for the following year was never secure. So I’d save with a ‘Rainy Day’ mentality. That makes you slowly crazy, plus it sucks the life out of you, however necessary. At least, it didn’t make me more ‘inventive’ in my entertainments. It just made me feel guilty about spending any money I didn’t need to. So I saved, and saved, and saved. And then when teaching jobs weren’t forthcoming, I’d substitute teach and live off of savings, while they slowly dwindled. Miraculously, whenever the savings were about to run out, I’d get picked up for another teaching contract. I call the Providence. And I would recognize it for the Luck and Blessing that it was, every time. The Universe takes care of me. I just don’t always take care of myself.
And after years of saving as much as I can, I’m tired of it. I’m not going to go nuts and blow my savings, but a few of the things I consistently deny myself (a new piercing) because I can’t justify the expense- well, I’m just doing it. I’m getting my hair done the way I want. I’m joining a singing group again. I’m playing guitar. I’m protesting politics. I’m getting out more.
And my savings account will just have to understand. Happy Almost Birthday to Me